Monday, May 05, 2008

Some things never change

Rob and I have been doing a ton of organization lately, finally setting up a workable home office. In so doing, I've had to sort through a lot of boxes of old things. Saturday night I found a box of papers from my middle school and early high school years. In 8th grade, my social studies teacher wanted us to ponder the rest of our lives, so he had us write our own obituaries. Sounds kindof morbid, but I remember the assignment being pretty fun. Well, I found my "obituary" in that box of old papers on Sunday night. Pretty hysterically accurate in capturing my adult personality, if not my ultimate achievements. Unless I'm running for Senate next year.

Here it is in full (although my last name and the last names of my grade school friends referenced are redacted):

Former President Katherine Gr--nb-rg M-n-r-k died of natural causes on her 100th birthday, Jul. 21, 2076. Ms. M-n-r-k began her political career by attending Harvard law school and always being very active in protests she believed in. After graduating she worked for a prestigious law firm in Boston for 7 years. She actually began her career by running for the Senate from the state of Mass. at age 33. She easily defeated her Republican opponent with a 4 to 1 majority. She served 3 6-year terms getting many pro-equality bills passed and working hard at keeping abortion legal. With all her work she caught the public eye and decided to run for president. She and her supporters worked hard and their efforts paid off. In 2028 she was elected President and served 2 terms, keeping America out of all foreign wars. In 2037 she went back to the Senate and served 12 more years. In her last year, 2049, she finally got the congress to make all anti-abortion laws void. In 2050 she retired and lived in a small cottage in Boston with her husband and 2 kids. She lived to see her daughter graduate from Yale and her son from Princeton and get 5 grandchildren. Many famous people will attend her funeral such as the famous actress Kelly N---, the renowned astronaut Sarah S---, the heart surgeon and peace activist Tolly G---, the famous pediatrician/heart surgeon Nzinga A--- and the not-so-famous advertising agent Cara J---. She will be buried at Arlington National Cemetery on Sunday. The funeral is closed to the public. Her assets were equally divided between her family, charity, and her close friends.


Anonymous said...

Yo can you hook me up with not-so-famous advertising agent Cara J---? She sounds hot!!!


Kat said...

Indeed she is. :)

DrMark said...

I never realized your affliction went back so far into your childhood.

Roxanna said...

Add to obit:
"President Minarik's childhood friend, the billionaire recluse Roxanna Smith, was seen leaving the ceremony screaming--Ca c'est ton petit ami! The famously eccentric elderly philanthropist and political strategist was wearing heavy makeup and a bridal gown--she was carrying a hairless cat named Mr. Kitty."

Kat said...

Rox, I just fell out of my chair laughing. Awesome.